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SoooperGenius Strikes Again

Yesterday was the 16th anniversary of the day an_idle_fellow and I stood up in front of a dozen amused onlookers and swore in front of a Fishers, Indiana justice of the peace that we would have and hold in sickness and in health etc etc. I hope that "sickness" part included congenital doofiness.

Headed out with Kisa for the "long walk.." (2.5 miles, which might amount to reasonable exercise if we did it at a brisk pace instead of stopping every 100 yards, her to mark the neighbor's grass and me to gawk at squirrels, pick up pretty leaves, or admire everyone else's immaculate landscaping.) Halfway to the end of Plantation Drive, I got a phone call that required me to go back to the house and deal with some paperwork. After that was over, I spent the next two hours sniffing suspiciously in all corners of the house to find out where one of the animals had been naughty. Until I finally remembered that Kisa's walk was interrupted and I've been walking around with a ziploc bag of dog doo in my pocket ever since.

Then, I tried to kill the entire family with John's anniversary dinner. It's this dish he loves, kung pao beef, and the first step is to fry hot peppers in oil until they turn black. I've been making this dish for years, and I open the windows before I start, turn the exhaust fan on high, and work as quickly as I can. But yesterday it didn't make any difference: the entire house filled with toxic burning pepper fumes. First I started coughing, then my throat started to close up and I couldn't breathe. I escaped onto the porch, and through the open windows I could hear Anne and John wheezing upstairs. I grabbed a deep breath and went back into the kitchen to get the food out of the hot wok so at least it would stop making more deadly fumes. John, gasping, asked if we have a fan. I had to run outside for another breath before I could answer. He returned with the fan, and wearing this fashion accessory. We opened all the doors to the kitchen, shut it off from the rest of the house, and stood around the yard gasping for awhile.

After about 15 minutes we were able to re-enter the house. We ate the kung pao sitting on the front porch. It was pretty tasty. I'm going to have a lot of trouble topping that next year, though. Maybe for our 20th I can burn the barn down or something.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Nov. 2nd, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
The pepper oil is a near exact dupligate of an event at a friend's house . I came over after they had been cooking. Stepping through the door, I immmediately doubled over coughing a lung out, but I was also aware that the other folks were laughing their butts off at my expence. The three of them had already gone through the "lung coughing out" phase, and thought my explosive hacking was very funny.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )