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What an Odd-ition

Every once in awhile it's nice to be reminded that on average, Rennies are more normal than other perfomers. I just auditioned for a stage part in a small show that's booked into the Alexandria Lyceum in May. The lucky harper who gets the part will be on stage with a percussionist and two actresses. The musicians will be providing, in the words of the director, "counterpoint, emphasis, emotional context, and punctuation" to the stage action. Astute musicians will notice that missing from that list are melody, harmony, and rhythm.

During the audition I was moved at various times to smack the soundboard with my knuckles, blow into the back of the harp through the soundholes to make the strings vibrate, play with both hands holding guitar picks, make hammer-on noises by flipping levers, and play with my eyes closed to imitate Turlough O'Carolan. If I actually get the part I may reduce the instrument to lumber by the dress rehearsal.

Because I'm Still Bored

In honor of the lovely Christmas week weather here in the mid-Atlantic.

Oh the weather outside is soggy,
Kinda wet, and kinda foggy.
But it's fruitless to complain:
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.

It doesn't show signs of stopping
And my cats are outside, sopping.
Should I let them in to drain?
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.

If we finally get some snow,
How I'll hate going out on the street
It's vehicular tae kwon do:
Accelerate, skid, and repeat!

The roof is gently leaking,
And I think, that, strictly speaking,
"White Christmas" is inhumane.
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.


Well I'm Doing It Because I'm Bored

I'm making onion soup for dinner and that requires hours of just letting the onions bake in the oven. And I'm too lazy to start wrapping presents, never mind the laundry. So here's my take on Turnip's meme:

Some of these questions are kind of stupidCollapse )

A Modest Proposal

I get two kinds of junk email these days: breathless warnings about how I must protect myself during the coming financial armageddon, and pathetic stories about homeless cats that need foster homes, foster homes that need money, cats that need money.....

Are you listening, Hank Paulson??Collapse )

Deerly Unbeloved

I know there are a lot of important issues riding on this election. I however no longer give a rat's rear end about taxes, foreign policy, the mortgage crisis, slot machines, Barack Obama's birth certificate or whether Sarah Palin clubs baby seals from helicopters supplied by Halliburton. Those issues pale and disappear beside the vital matter of the day.

The first candidate for Prince George's County Council who proposes a serious solution to the effing deer problem down here has my vote, not just in this election but forever. ARE YOU LISTENING, MARILYN BLAND?? I will support you for Secretary General of the UN if you will just get these goddamn retard ungulates away from my property, keep them from clogging up the roads with their gruesome carcasses, and above all STOP THEM FROM RUNNING INTO MY CAR.

Yes, that's right. I collided with a deer tonight. A young stag, two-pointer. But it would be inaccurate to say I hit a deer, because in fact, he hit me. Charged right at my Jeep on an unlighted stretch of Croom Road, banged smack into the driver's door, and broke two of his legs. I got to watch the pathetic dumbass drag himself into a field, where he was doomed to die a slow painful death. I couldn't have put him out of his misery even if I'd had a gun, because the zoning board has seen fit to carve the entire western half of the rural tier into five acre lots and then forbid the shooting of deer on any parcel smaller than 50 acres.

Damage to the Jeep was unbelievably minimal: a tiny dent and a scrape in the paint. Damage to my psyche a little more serious. My heart tells me I'm a murdering thug, but my head knows perfectly well I did nothing wrong. I'm seriously pissed off, and not at the deer. I am pissed at the pathetic DNR management in this state that has let the deer population explode with no mitigation plan other than, apparently, letting citizens cull the herd with their motor vehicles. Good gravy, every time a black bear knocks over a beehive in Carroll County it's a media frenzy. The damage bears cause is minusule compared to deer.

I repeat: Seriously. Pissed. Off.

SoooperGenius Strikes Again

Yesterday was the 16th anniversary of the day an_idle_fellow and I stood up in front of a dozen amused onlookers and swore in front of a Fishers, Indiana justice of the peace that we would have and hold in sickness and in health etc etc. I hope that "sickness" part included congenital doofiness.

'Cause here's how I spent the dayCollapse )

This was probably a bad idea

I just downloaded an LJ app for my iPhone. I already had one for Facebook. Now my every thought, no matter how trivial or mundane, can be uploaded twice!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


An ASS Out of U and ME

Every once in awhile, it's good to be reminded just how much trust can be placed in information flows. For me, this usually happens when a cable talking head show or a magazine article relays a "fact" concerning some topic in which I am fairly well versed: the doctrine of the Catholic Church, an obscure event in Scottish history, the cultural habits of Hoosiers, the content of Adam Smith's Theory of Moral Sentiments, or some such. This makes me less credulous when the topic is unfamiliar. When I've just heard Newsweek's lead religion reporter completely mangle the doctrine of the Immaculate Conception, it makes me a lot less inclined to swallow some idiocy about Islam or Mormonism.

But sometimes, you overhear stuff about yourself that's just as funny, if not nearly as consequentialCollapse )